My life feels like complete and utter chaos right now. Most days I throw up my hands in defeat because either I didn't get my studying done, or the house is trashed. And when I say trashed, I mean you can't make it through the living room without stepping on a toy or a peanut butter cookie crumb. In addition to feeling this distress, I am constantly tired. I mean constantly. There is such a delicate balance between having time to study, clean, and spend time with Sophia and James. I have to think of school as my career right now because it is the only way to get through it. Being a student means going to class and then devoting every minute of my evening to studying. Its truly the only way to get through it. Nutrition is not an easy field to be getting into!
I graduated high school in 2005. The fact that I don't have a degree yet makes me sad. The fact that Sophia doesn't have a sibling yet makes me even more sad. The fear of graduating and not getting accepted to an internship and not becoming a dietitian makes me furious. The other day I had a huge ah ha moment. We had just finished making dinner, there were toys everywhere, I was doing dishes and then I looked over at James and Sophia. They were both wearing silly hats and playing "horsey" where Daddy is the horse and he runs around with Sophia on his back. I couldn't help but stop and savor this moment. God told me in that second, "Delia stop it! Stop wondering about the future, stop trying to micro manage, I will give you a child when its time, and I will guide your vocation to whatever I call you to. Enjoy the moment and love the child that is here with you." This moment almost brought me to tears. For every stressful day and every messy peanut butter and jelly grossness that I wipe off the table, I am abundantly blessed in a way that most girls dream of. I am married to the love of my life and I have a daughter who is more special than I ever realized she would be. The chaos of my life is the joy of my life. I love picking up toys and sticky messes, because it reminds me of the sweet girl that I have the opportunity of raising and forming into a daughter of His. I am grateful for where I am in life and I know that His plans are greater than my own. I will endure however much chaos it takes so that I can live my life according to His will.
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| I love these two so much! Just another fun night at the Salas house! |
you are such a sweetheart delia! this post gave me chills. and it's so true. We do what we can but we can't spend out time worrying about what we can't control :) God has not forgotten you and he will take care of you! :)
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