Friday, June 21, 2013

This is who I am

My sister came over for dinner tonight and we were talking about blogs among other things. She mentioned a blog to me called The Wiegands. I had never heard of it, but I decided to check it out after I settled Sophia down for the night. The first post I came across was one of this wife and mother stating what she is and what she is not. It really struck me and inspired me. So here it goes:

I am brutally honest and opionated

I am real

I am not catty

I am not fake

I am so shy

I am so socially awkward

I am best friends with my husband

I am passionate

I am dedicated

I am a mother who misses her child every minute I'm not with her

I am needy

I am codependent

I am sloppy

I am willing to do whatever is best for my child even at the cost of someone else thinking I'm nuts

I am not naturally good at fashion

I am not clean

I am so ridiculously in love with my husband

I am happy

I am uptight

I am a mess sometimes

I am fully present

Notice my first thought? I am brutally honest. I think based upon this post, you can figure that out. I am all for admitting my flaws and embracing my strengths. Anyone else?

Thursday, June 20, 2013

22 Weeks

 Wow. It feels surreal to write this post because a part of my mind still can't grasp this blessing. I'm pregnant! The last post I wrote back in October was the 1 year anniversary of suffering a miscarriage, and now I feel like God has brought me full circle as we are expecting sweet baby girl #2 in October! He really does make all things new.

I say that my mind still can't grasp this blessing, because I honestly wasn't sure if we would ever conceive again. My hormones were very out of whack for a while,  and it was hard to stay hopeful after trying to conceive for over a year.

The inability to get pregnant reaffirmed so many things for me. It reaffirmed the fact that fertility is a God given gift that should never be taken for granted. It reaffirmed my appreciation for Sophia. And most importantly, it reaffirmed that God is in control!! I tend to be a little bit a lot of a control freak, and I always want to know what to expect and when to expect it. I don't like when things don't go according to plan. This experience has undoubtedly taught me that I don't have ANY control and He has ALL control! This is really a tough lesson for me, but definitely an important lesson in this life.

I'm 22 weeks pregnant and trying to relish every moment. Trying to remember every feeling, every flutter in my stomach. I realize in a really big way, that I don't have control over how many babies God will give me. If this is my last pregnancy, I want to be fully present to it. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I want to remember every feeling of this sweet life in my womb. The first 18 weeks were filled with lots of nausea and food aversions. Thankfully, I am finally letting go of some of that. Although I'm still not crazy about the thought of veggies, they are becoming a little more tolerable.

I think my biggest frustration has been my exhaustion. I truly feel like I don't have energy for anything! Showering feels like an accomplishment, forget about styling my hair,  and it's a miracle if I can keep my eyes open past 8:30pm! I don't even want to talk about exercise because that is a sensitive subject. I find myself green with envy when I hear my fellow pregnant mamas talk of exercising. I'm pretty sure I have gained more weight in my thighs than I have in my stomach. Oh well; the husband seems to like me a little fleshy so maybe I should be grateful...I feel like I haven't had any time for myself this pregnancy. I go to work, come home, prepare dinner, spend time with Sophia, spend a very short time with the husband, and then off to bed. I miss blogging, I miss reading, I miss painting my nails, I miss spending time in the kitchen to prepare fancy meals. Obviously these are all small sacrifices that I wouldn't trade for anything! There is a life growing within me, and I will sacrifice all of these things 100 times over for this sweet new baby!

We are eagerly awaiting your arrival precious baby girl!